Today I am in pain. I woke at 1.30am last night in pain and it’s hanging around. My chest is constricted and I feel like bursting out of it to be free. I got out of bed last night and sat on my meditation cushion and lit a candle. I tried to connect with my feelings and needs as one of my cats sat curled up on my knees.
My feelings were wariness and anxiousness. My needs behind these were freedom, autonomy and space. I can’t remember the trigger.
I cried and was so happy that I cried as it was my body’s way of telling me, all is not right. I sat with those needs for a while then went back to bed to sleep.
Today my feelings are a little different.
When I remember my boyfriend saying, “I’m in a relationship and I’m not happy with my life” on Saturday, I’m feeling annoyed, worn out, and concerned for myself. My needs are acceptance for who I am, self-expression and understanding. Therefore I’m giving myself permission to have this week alone to connect with myself.
Jackal Show:
I’m having a hard time balancing between looking after myself and supporting my boyfriend. While he is stressed and concerned about his work and talks to me about it, I’ve gotten so caught up in trying to ‘fix’ him or help him that I’ve let my own life get disorderly (haven’t been to gym in a while, messy room, messy garage, files not in order, etc.). I’m so tired of hearing negativity from him I just want to get away from him and recuperate! If I could just support him by listening and giving empathy and not taking on responsibility for his concerns then I’m sure it would be easier to be around him.
I must find a way to support without taking on…
How?
Tags: codependency, feelings, hurt, needs, nvc, pain, relationships
