Saturday was mine and BJ’s 3 month anniversary. When I got to his place he took me to a park and we had a picnic. It was a nice surprise. 
And the weather was gorgeous – it’s so nice to see the sun again!
Then that night I took him out to a fancy restaurant. It was very swishy (and costly!) but I wanted to do something special to show my appreciation. 3 months is a big deal to me coz it’s kinda the point where I know I wanna be with someone for a long time.
When we got home from the restaurant we had a big fight! Our first proper fight. It got really heated and I couldn’t control myself, I was just bubbling out coz I was so pissed off, but not really sure why. NVC completely went out the window as I just let all my feelings bubble out of me.
It wasn’t until later that I realised what had bothered me. You see, after we’d got home from the restaurant, he went outside and saw his dogs had dug up a part of the yard again and he came back inside all grumpy. So I got angry at him coz I just wanted to have a nice night without any angst. He’s been stressed lately about work and selling his house and various things, and so I just wanted him to have a nice, relaxing, fun evening with me and forget about everything negative.
After a few mintues he left the room then came back in and gave me a big hug. I burst into tears and it was then that I realised what it was that had upset me. So we made up and calmed down and talked about things.
I look forward to being able to use the NVC tools I have been learning in that kind of situation so it doesn’t get so heated next time. But, I’m glad that we can have an argument and then come out of it all lovey-dovey again.
I also realise that I cannot make someone happy. It’s something I struggle with and need to learn not to take responsibility for some elses feelings. It’s difficult not to when you care about someone, but it’s much healthier for me and for the relationship. I guess it will come in time as I learn how to integrate what I learn during my NVC trainings into my everyday life.
Tags: angry, anniversary, argument, feelings, learning nvc
