Last night I attended the first night of a four part course on the foundations of NVC. During the evening I mentioned my confusion surrounding compromise and having needs met.
Cherry – my trainer and friend – stated that there really isn’t such a thing as compromise in NVC because compromise would lend you to believe that you’re giving up your needs or giving in to the others needs out of obligation. In NVC, there is no obligation to give. You give because you freely choose to with an open heart.
Both parties needs are important. All needs are as important as the others. The goal of living nonviolently is to have both parties needs met – not for one to relinquish their needs for the other.
That leads me to think about mine and BJs relationship and how I often feel like I’m compromising in order to meet his needs. This must stop. I need autonomy and freedom to be myself, and if I keep compromising then I will soon wake up to find myself living as someone else.
Tags: communication, compromise, confusion, nonviolent, nvc, obligation
