It was only two months ago that I typed the below excerpt, but never published it.
something missing
1st April 2008
everything’s great!
great job, great boyfriend, great home, great pay, great family, great friends…but there’s still something missing – i’m still not happyi’ve always been striving for something, and now i have most things i thought i thought i wanted, i’m feeling a bit lost
but how do you figure it out?
how do I know what i need that will make me feel complete – to have inner peace
my friend says:
“you’ve reached a point that you thought would make you happy, but you now realise that you can set your goals higher and achieve more” … ”you’ll exceed what others do” … “unless you can say “enough is enough” then you’ll never be satisfied. in my experience tho, eventually you do get to a point where you can sit back and smile and say “i think this is o.k.”
I’m not sure that I agree. Maybe it’s not human nature to be satisfied. who do you know who says they are content with everything in their life? The Dalai Lama perhaps? Buddhist Monks? Everyone is striving for something, or searching for something even though most people are not aware that they should be looking inside themselves instead of outside.
So many people focus their energy and the reasons of their incompleteness or unhappiness on things external to themselves – society, partner, government… etc. Our society has taught us to blame everything but ourselves and so we’ve forgotten how to look inside and gain peace, clarity and contentment for ourselves – without relying on anybody or anything else.
I am so sick of ’stuff’ being the centre of attention… I’m so tired of stuff being the most important thing in people’s lives. I role my eyes when people judge themselves and others based on their football team, the car they drive, their holiday destinations or their current vocation.
I’m so relieved that I have found what I was looking for. I’d always thought I was looking for a someone. But I wasn’t… I was looking for meaning and purpose. I was searching for a person… it was me!
A very dear friend of mine has tried to make me understand things about life that I couldn’t get. I finally figured it out on my own, but it sure did help to have him as a catalyst – to really get me thinking that all the things that I thought I had wanted out of life, weren’t going to make me content. I had to look inside myself – really meditate in order to become aware that my passion, my calling, my gift, my destiny (all the same thing with different labels) was what I should be doing with my life, and this would provide a sense of contentedness within.
And even though I do hope to find someone to share my life with, now it is not a goal… it is being the best I can be, remaining open and letting life happen around me whilst on my journey.
Tags: destiny, journey, life, life's purpose, purpose
